A few months ago God randomly dropped this little nugget into my lap. Now when God speaks I certainly don’t think it’s random. Nor was what He said random. Why I say random is because God spoke to me about marriage. Now as a single 23 year old God talking to me about marriage is not random – or should I say me talking to God about marriage is not random. What made this moment random to me was that God spoke to me at 10 in the morning not while I was praying or speaking to Him but rather while I was at work. This is what I believe God said to me:
“Marriage is not about chance. Marriage is about purpose.”
If something is left to chance it’s clearly uncertain as to whether or not that thing is going to take place. I think too many times single people believe that if I say the right thing, do the right thing, look the right way and pray the right prayers then God is going to sprinkle my spouse down on me like a baker sprinkling rainbow jimmies on a cupcake. It’s pleasant, it’s wonderful, it’s just the right topping for my life. But what happens if I do all the right stuff and I still don’t find a spouse and get married? What then?
Well that’s where purpose comes into play. I truly believe God always has the best in mind for me. I also believe that to get His best I need to stay inside the will of God. Sometimes the best life possible for us is to not always get what we want. There are times and seasons, maybe even an entire life time on earth, where we don’t get exactly what we want when we want it.
Yes Emily but the Bible says in Psalm 37 that God will give me the desires of my heart and I desire to get married. Okay true, but there’s so much more to that verse than just getting the desires of our hearts.
Trust in the Lord and do good; dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Delight yourself in the Lord; and He will give you the desires of your heart. Commit your way to the Lord, trust also in Him, and He will do it. Psalm 37:3-5 (NASB)
There are specific instructions that must take place for God to bestow upon us the desires of our hearts. The first is to Trust in the Lord and do good. Do I trust God with my future or am I making Him my back up plan? Am I putting myself to do good works or am I too busy searching for a date to be about doing the work of God’s kingdom? The next is to dwell in the land and cultivate faithfulness. Dwelling in the land is similar to doing good works. Be here. Grow and expand where God has you now. Regardless of whether or not I am where I want to be, I must not allow myself to become stagnant just because my timeline isn’t going the way I thought it would. Cultivate faithfulness. Am I willing and able to love God and remain faithful to Him even if He never brings a spouse into my life? Am I able to go, serve and love Him and others even if the thing I desire the most is never fulfilled here? I need to cultivate faithfulness so that no matter where life takes me I’ll be faithfully His. The next part of this verse says to delight yourself in the Lord. Am I able to find my satisfaction, fulfillment and joy in the Lord? I know that I can only find that in the Lord, and no one and nothing else will be able to do that. And finally the last clue (even though it comes at the end of the verse) is to commit your way to the Lord. God’s path, sense of time and dreams look really different than mine. If God thought the same as me I’d be married and have whatever else I’m desiring right now. I need to commit myself to His ways, plan and will, even when things don’t pan out in the order I wish they did. Even though everyone seems to quote, love and remember the He will give you the desires of your heart bit, my favorite part of this verse is Trust also in Him, and He will do it. Because it’s not about getting what I want – it’s about trusting Him and following His lead.
Now back to purpose and chance:
I’m certainly not saying that anybody who wants to get married is weak and not following God’s will. I’m just trying to stress purpose. Sometimes our purpose is best aided and fulfilled by being single, this maybe for a short time, an extended season or a life time. The great thing about purpose is that you aren’t resigned to sitting in the corner and watching life pass by you. Life doesn’t start when I get married. Life is happening right now. I don’t want to become so focused on the one thing I don’t have that I end up missing all the other great things God is doing in my life.
Yes but what if I don’t know my purpose?
Well then you shouldn’t be looking for a relationship to put it bluntly. If you don’t know yourself and where you want to go in life, how do you expect to find someone who compliments you? Find God. Find yourself. Then find your partner.
I certainly have the desire to get married. And I do believe that someday God is going to set that in motion. But I also believe that if I don’t get married it doesn’t mean I’ve failed, my life is less and lacking or that I must have done something wrong. In my opinion no one deserves to get married. I used to think how much I deserved it. I’m mature. I love God. I’ve got some money saved. I’m attractive, funny, smart (not to mention humble) – I deserve this and someone deserves to bask in my awesomeness! (Seriously I thought this at one time.)
But you know what? I don’t deserve this. No one does. Marriage is a wonderful and beautiful gift from God. It’s the closest picture of Christ loving the church that we have available to us. No one deserves it- but God offers it to us. It’s another blessing He wishes to lavish upon those who seek His will and righteousness.
So do I believe that marriage is in my future? By the grace of God yes I do. Do I also believe that if I don’t get married that it means my best, most blessed and fulfilled life is accomplished by me being single? Absolutely.
Because after all…
Marriage isn’t about chance. Marriage is about purpose.
